I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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