Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
