i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
