She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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