I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
