I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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