My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
