glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
