you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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