I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
