Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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