i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
