Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
