so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
