These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
