Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize