Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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