She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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