i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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