I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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