I met the friendliest cop last night
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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