I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
