it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize