you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
