Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
