I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
