i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
