Sry I called you an 8
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
