things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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