oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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