It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
