somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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