He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
