my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
