Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
