Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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