I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
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And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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