What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize