Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
