I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
