i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
