I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
