i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
