im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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