I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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