I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize