Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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