Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
