3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
