My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I bet he comes in French.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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