you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
