Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
