We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
