Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
