i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
