If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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