Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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